Fly, Momma Bird

Yesterday was a normal day. Until it wasn't.

Did you ever have one of those days where it started out just like any other day, but ended up taking an unexpected turn you never saw coming? I had one of those days yesterday. 

It started out with a lengthy conversation with a friend I hadn't spoken to in a while, and hadn't seen in years. We discussed life, changes, and healing. She shared with me some of the things she had been working on in her life and offered some loving advice and encouragement when I admitted to all the anxiety I had been feeling over leaving my children. 

You see, I had always suffered from anxiety. My first daughter needed life-saving surgery at just one day old. I am sure that's where it stems from. I have never been able to leave my children for any length of time. Oh, they can leave me and I am completely fine, but I cannot be the one to leave them.

• Not for date night with my husband
• Not for groceries
• Not for a girls' night out
• Not for a visit with my mom
• Not to run errands

For no reason can I leave my children at home and I go out relaxed and happy. Nope. I am completely INcapapable. 

A trip to Texas to see my friend seemed like a stretch.

I decided the best thing to do would be to mention to my children that I was considering getting on a plane for the first time alone and flying to Texas to see my dear friend. If I told them, they would push me to go. You see, while many parents have to kick their baby birds out of the nest before they will leave, it's the opposite for my family. In our case, the baby birds have to kick the momma out of the nest. As expected, the kids all encouraged me to go on this trip, assured me I'd be fine flying alone, and helped me look for flights using my JetBlue points. 

Because I am such a world traveler, of course, I carry a JetBlue card. Who cares that the only charge on the card is the annual fee of $100, and I have never once flown anywhere in the two and a half years I've had the card in my possession.  Sixty-nine thousand points just waiting to be used. Just sitting there mocking me.

• You know you'll never leave the kids. 
• You know you'll never take off work. 
• You know you're too scared to fly alone.
• You know you continue to make up excuses until you get tired of hearing your own voice.
• You know you will gift all of those points to your children so they can visit their friends instead.
• You know you will never book that flight.
• You're never going anywhere.

And then there I was.

Sitting by my son, looking up flights. I had finally worked up the courage to at least look at flights. And what do you think happened? I entered into the computer the dates that I would be able to go and only miss one day of work, and these are the words the screen greeted me with.

No flights available.

I had finally mustered up the courage to say, "maybe", which, as everyone knows, is the next step towards saying, "yes", and this is what greets me at the other end of my search. No flights in August are available. None. Oh, my son kept looking and finally found a flight, but I would have to stay in Texas twice as long as I was comfortable with. This meant that I'd lose a week's worth of pay instead of only one day. And don't forget to add on the stress of trying to find coverage, so my elderly patient would not be alone for all of the additional days I now needed to take off. All of this, for this vacation, which only made it to a "maybe" in my mind.  

There were tears.

Even though this vacation only made it to "maybe" status, it may well have been set in stone. This was the closest I've ever gotten to a "yes". I was suddenly disappointed that I didn't have the opportunity to change the "maybe" to a "no" if I wanted to. Because now, for some reason, I was sad the "no" came from somewhere other than me. So I began to talk myself out of wanting to go at all. 

• I can't go, but it's ok. 
• Maybe someday. 
• I'm fine.
• It wasn't in the cards. 
• It just wasn't meant to be. 

But then something unexpected and amazing happened.

My son walked back into the room and motioned for me to follow him into the kitchen. He said, "There's something I want you to see on the calendar." He flipped the page to another month, and this is what I saw:

When I say I was overwhelmed, that is an understatement! I bawled like a baby. I mean, I ugly cried. Hard. For a long, long time. I buried my head in his chest and sobbed while I got the biggest hug from my beautiful, big-hearted boy. He facetimed his sisters, whom he had quickly consulted within the last few minutes, and with no hesitation, they both agreed that their mom would never climb all those other obstacles to see her friend. They all knew I would never go unless they did this for me, so they decided that moment, without overthinking or planning or vacilating, they were all going to chip in and buy me a non-stop plane ticket across the country to see my friend.

• Four days to not work. 
• Four days to rest and relax.
• Four days to laugh and connect with my friend.
• Four days to make memories to last a lifetime.
• Four days to take care of me.

Friends, being a mom is not a job. It's a calling. 

It's the best thing I've ever done, or will do, in my lifetime. Taking care of them is taking care of me. I don't want to leave them, but each time I do, which isn't often, I find that they take care of me in return. They encourage me to spend time with friends and tell me how happy they are that I'm doing something fun. They surprise me with unexpected blessings, and that, by far, is better than any other gift anyone could ever give me. 

They love me so much that they want to kick me out of the nest. They want to see me fly. I know how they feel. It makes a momma's heart happy when their children are secure enough to build a life for themselves, and I guess I need to do the same. I may not have seen it, but they did. And I am forever grateful to my Baby Birds for kicking their Momma out of the nest. I know now that we will all live happily ever after, after. After we all leave the nest. 

God is able to do immeasurably more

than all we ask or imagine, 

according to His power that is at work within us.

- Ephesians4:20