Happy Nonniversary!

 

August 5, 2025

Did you ever wake up and immediately feel a weight of sadness wash over you? This is the morning that I did. It was immediate, as soon as I reached for my phone and saw what the date was. August 5th. For most people that date is insignificant. And if I'm being honest, I wish it wasn't for me either. At least it was. I guess it still is, more than I want to admit.

This is the date that I got married, 30 years ago. It was a hot summer day. It was a "I had a fan blowing under my dress" kind of hot. It rained. But thankfully not until all our outside pictures were taken. Surely the old wives tale of it being good luck if it rained on your wedding day was good sign. Not that we thought we needed luck. We had each other, and we had God. Nothing would break us apart. 

But life happens.

• Things change. 
• People change. 
• Roles change. 

And you better change with them, because if not, you will be left behind. We didn't. And we were. 

Fast forward from 1995 to 2025. Thirty years. It went fast. Time waits for noone. So here I was, waking up with a sadness that was building for the past few days. It started with an argument with my son and built up with a hard conversation with my other son, who tried to analyze why the argument with my first son happened and how it could have been avoided. The problem was, the things I needed to do differently were things I couldn't. The things I needed to change were actions of long ago, and the fallout was irreparable. The hard truth is, we can not go back and change the past. So where does that leave us?

Moving Forward.

That's where it leaves us. Take it from Lot, it's not worth looking back. (You can find that story in Genesis 19: 23-26. Spoiler Alert: It doesn't end well.) I couldn't change the past. I couldn't un-divorce my husband and wake up anticipating a romantic dinner out to celebrate 30 years of marriage. The best I could do was to look toward the future and, as far as it was in my control, make the coming years better. 

We may not be married, but we will always be family.

• There will be weddings.
• There will be graduations.
• There will be holidays.
• There will be birthdays.
• There will be grandchildren.

It seems as though every time I turn around there is another occassion we have to be together and as of today, I have not dealt with that reality too very well. But I wanted a change. I wanted to feel ok. I wanted it to be different. 

So, I did what any normal divorcee does on her anniversary.

I called and asked my ex-husband to meet me for a walk around the lake. When I told my daughter where I was going, the reply text read, "Huh?!" Understandable reaction considering the last time we were together for a fourth of July party just one month prior, I sat in my car and cried for about 15 minutes because I didn't want to spend yet another holdiay with him. 

So what changed from 4 weeks ago?

I was tired. 

• Tired of being mad.
• Tired of feeling sad.
• Tired of complaining.
• Tired of regrets.

I was tired. 

So, we met. We talked. And we listened. Yes, I've been down this road before, and it is certainly felt like a risk to think things would be different and he would genuinly listen to me this time, but it's worth the risk. Our family is worth it. We agreed to work on being friends for the first time. Yes. The first time, believe it or not. If we built our relationship on a friendship first, we would probably still be married, but when our marriage fell apart, and we didn't have a base of a solid friendship, we had nothing left. Please take this to heart when I stress to you how important being friends with your spouse is. Please.

August 5, 2025

It wasn't the fairy tale anniversary I would have hoped for, but it was the best nonniversary I could have asked for. Later that night, my oldest daughter surprised me with "nonniversary" gifts because she knew it was a difficult day for me. She bought me my favorite flowers, Fat Boy ice cream sandwiches, waffle bowls, and butterscotch pudding! I hung out with her and my eldest son and had a really good night. What started out as a day filled with tears, ended with a night filled with love, smiles, and a heart filled with hope for the future. 

I can't turn back time.

Neither can you. So we move forward. What other choice do we have unless we want to stay stuck, unhappy, and regretful. That does not sound like a lot of fun, does it? So we move on. One baby step at a time. 

• We grow.
• We change.
• We forgive.
• We love.
• We heal.

And we live happily ever after, after. After the divorce. 

And we know that in all things 

God works for the good of those who love him, 

who have been called according to his purpose. 

Romans 8:28