Tame That Tongue

Ever say something you wish you hadn't?

Crazy question, right? Because we all have. We have all said something we regretted. Sometimes it's as soon as it comes out of our mouths, sometimes it's weeks later, and sometimes it's something so regrettable that years later we still remember it. Hurt so deep and guilt so nagging that we have a hard time letting it go. We replay that moment in our minds and try to rewrite it. We ask ourselves how it may have played out "if only"....

• We didn't cross that line. 
• We kept our mouths shut. 
• We tamed our tongue.
• We thought before we spoke.
• We didn't say those words.

Before it was too late.

Because honestly, after we say things, not matter how much we wish we could, we can't unsay them. We can certainly try to apologize. And we should. We can try better next time. And we probably will. Until the next time eventually comes when we don't. Oh Lord, why? Why do we have to learn this lesson over and over again? Friend, maybe you're not like me, so I should switch the "we" to "I" for now. I will ask again. Oh, Lord, why? Why don't I ever seem to learn? 

This weekend I did it again. My daughter and I were on a weekend getaway. It was the first time we had been on a vacation just the two of us, and it was perfect. It was our second night there, and we got back to the bed and breakfast where we were staying. We planned on relaxing and watching a couple of shows we both enjoy. She was on her phone and so I went on mine and spent time mapping out the next day's events so we didn't have to waste time in the morning doing so. Before I knew it, the shows were over. We were both half paying attention, make a small talk and commented on the show here and there, but it wasn't the night we had planned. My daughter was upset and she tried to tell me how she was feeling.

• She felt sad.
• She wanted us to watch together.
• She wished I were more present.
• She was disappointed.

But so was I. So I got defensive.

Instead of hearing her heart, I defended myself. I wanted to save us time in the morning. I was trying to help her because she usually does the planning. I only picked up my phone in the first place because she was on hers. Why didn't she just tell me she wanted me to watch the show undistracted by the phone? Why wait until the shows were over and it's too late to do anything about it before saying anything? Oh I had plenty of questions for her, and now it was about me. 

• Instead of listening. 
• Instead of apologizing. 
• Instead of seeing her pain.
• Instead of hearing her heart.

I turned a deaf ear to her hurt and focused on my own. 

I defended my actions, turned the blame onto her, and continued to try to explain myself. And the more I talked, the worse it got. Until it was too late. I had hurt my daughter to the point of tears. How on earth did something so seemingly innocent as doing research on my phone while watching TV turn into this? I'll tell you how.

• Selfishness.
• Pride.
• Carelessness.
• Sin.

I cared more about having the last word, talked more than listened, and let pride cloud my compassion. I was wrong.  Because of that, a beautiful day turned into an ugly night. Fortunately, it didn't end that way. There is more to the story. There always is when God is in it.

Sunday was on the way.

Before my Sleeping Beauty woke up, Jesus and I had church together right in that Airbnb. I opened up my bible and began reading scripture. And I knew right where to go too. Proverbs. Some people say that there isn't an instruction manual for life, but I know there is, and Proverbs is Chapter One, my friends. I read verse after verse about taming the tongue and what happens when it is not. I wrote in my prayer journal and talked this out with God. I asked for forgiveness from Him, as I had asked my daughter the night before.

• It was healing.
• It was helpful.
• It was true.

Every word of it. A timely and timeless reminder of how to interact with others. How to control my actions. Why it's important. What can happen if I don't. The tongue is powerful, friends. It can tear down or lift up. Bless or curse. Encourage or discourage. It has the power to do both, and we get to choose which one wins. If we choose the wrong one, we both lose. 

We may have the last word. But at what cost?

• Our peace?
• Someone's feelings?
• Trouble at work?
• Fractured relationships?
• Sleepless nights?
• Wasted days?

It's not worth the cost. Believe me. I have spent my life speaking too much. Over-explaining myself has gotten me into more trouble than I care to admit. But God is a gracious God. He is patient when others, including myself, lose patience with me. He gently reminds me of his instructions in His word. They are too numerous to list here, but you will find many of them right where I looked that Sunday morning. I know I must keep those words in my heart and follow His example. Always. It is then, and only then, I will find my happily ever after, after. After I hold my tongue.

When words are many, sin is unavildable, 

but he who restrains his lips are wise.

- Proverbs 10:19

Everyone should be quick to listen, 

slow to speak,

and slow to become angry.

- James 1:19