Everything Happens For a Reason

Everything happens for a reason. Or so they say.

I have clung to those words more times than I can count. When bad things happen in life, isn't that what people tend to say when they don't know what else to say? I know I have. Some things just don't make sense. Sometimes, things happen, and you can look back and see why within minutes. At least within an hour or two. Like the time you were late getting out the door because you spilled coffee on your outfit, you lost your keys, or your dog vomited on the carpet. When you finally got on the road, you passed a wreck that clearly just happened because the police hadn't even gotten to the scene yet. Maybe that would have been you. Maybe you would have ended up in the hospital instead of just being late for your date. 

Sometimes, the things that happen for a reason are daily annoyances. And sometimes they are something more life-altering. 

• Getting stuck in traffic and missing an important appointment. 
• Having your flight delayed. Twice. And then cancelled. 
• Losing a job you thought was secure. 
• Getting that phone call that left you shattered. 
• Losing a loved one.
• Giving birth to a sick child. 

That was me.

Twenty-nine years ago, when I was turning 29 years old myself, I was pregnant with my first child. I was so excited, as most moms are. I didn't get very sick. I only threw up once, which I counted as a win. I worked as a kindergarten teacher until two weeks before my due date. I had planned on staying home with my new baby and becoming a full-time mommy, and I looked forward to the two-week vacation I was going to have before my baby was born. I joked that my baby and my taxes were due on the same day. April 15, 1997. 

Maundy Thursday was the last day of school before Easter break. I said goodbye to my little kiddos, and they all kissed my belly and sent me off with a huge handmade card for me and my baby. I didn't know if my baby would be a girl or a boy, which added to the excitement as everyone eagerly awaited my phone call telling them if they guessed correctly. I celebrated Good Friday with my church family, and they were also super excited about the upcoming birth of our baby. 

The next day was Easter.

I had my shower two weeks prior, and my best friend and I went to Toys R Us on Saturday to use some gift cards and buy some last-minute things in preparation for the baby's arrival. The day took an unexpected turn, though, as my water broke. Tore slightly, to be exact, and so I wasn't quite sure what was going on. Did I just lose bladder control, was I peeing my pants as my best friend and I continued to joke and laugh about it, or did my water actually break? I met the doctor at the hospital, and she assured me that I was, in fact, not leaving the hospital that day as planned. I was having a baby. Two and a half weeks early.

I called my sister. She met me at the hospital and stayed with me while I waited for my husband to join me. After he got there, she said her goodbyes, but dad wasn't quite sure he wanted to go it alone on this one. It didn't take much convincing for her to agree to stay. Thank God for my sister, because even after 6 weeks of Lamaze classes, she was a much more prepared coach than Dad. As he spent most of the night sitting on the sidelines, scared to get too close to the action, she spooned me in my hospital bed,  massaged my back, held my hand while I got the epidural, and a few hours later, videotaped our first baby being born.  

It's a girl!     

We were thrilled. Since this was baby #1, we didn't think anything of it when they whisked her off. Certainly, they were just cleaning her off and would bring her right back. They didn't. I didn't get any answers why until 5 hours later when my doctor came in and told us that our baby girl was born with a rare birth defect and would need a life-saving operation as soon as possible. Within hours, she was taken to Columbia Presbyterian Babies Hospital in NYC. My baby left the hospital on Easter Sunday, but I didn't go with her. I was left behind.

• Scared
• Questioning
• Worried
• Anxious
• Alone
• A new mom without a baby

But God knew what I needed, and I was never really alone.

Our pastor's wife was the head nurse on the Babies' NICU floor. Although it was Easter week and she was on vacation, she came to the hospital every day. She took a Polaroid of my baby girl and sent it to my hospital in NJ so I could still see her beautiful face even though she was a state away. She hand-picked the nurses for her care. During the week, she taught us infant CPR. She prayed with us daily.

I will forever be grateful to her for all she did to get us through those heartwrenching days. God knew exactly what we needed.

He also knew that I needed to give birth to my daughter 45 minutes away from our new home because a visiting doctor from Babie's hospital would be there that day and was the only one in the hospital able to diagnose her, thus saving her life. We were told that if she were in a hospital closer to our new home, which we hadn't moved into yet because it was a fixer-upper and not quite ready, that she probably would not have survived. But she did. She not only survived, she thrived. A normally 6-8 week stay was 9 days for our little miracle. She came home healthy and defied all the odds. God knew she wasn't ready to go yet. He had great plans for her life. He knew just what our family needed.

And two years later, He knew what another momma needed.

We were visiting family in Florida. We picked a random church to attend on Sunday morning. I was sitting in the pew, and that first picture of my baby girl that our dear nurse friend took for me fell out of my Bible, where I always kept it. I reached down and safely put it back in my bible. The woman sitting next to me asked me what was wrong with the baby in the picture. I quickly explained, "She was born with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia. She had a hole in her diaphragm when she was born, and all her internal organs were in her chest cavity." I always explained what it was, because even most pediatricians didn't know much about it. Service was about to start, but she said to me, "Please find me after service. I need to speak with you." Her face made it clear to me I was not leaving that church building without finding that woman again. This was important.

After service, I went back to get my little girl from the nursery. I saw the woman in the back. I walked up to her with my daughter, and she proceeded to tell us that 17 years ago, her son was born with the same condition as my daughter. Unlike my Easter Miracle, her story did not have the same happy ending. After a year of life, her son passed away. My heart broke as she told me her story. But her heart was not breaking. Her heart was healing. She looked at my baby girl and said, "I've waited 17 years to meet you. There has been so much research done on babies like my son, so babies like you can live. This is the happiest Mother's Day I have had in 17 years." She reached down and gave her a big hug. This was it.

This was the reason.

At least one of them. That momma needed to meet my daughter that day. That day, she was able to smile for the first time on Mother's Day because she was able to meet a little girl who survived because of the research done on her son. She finally saw in the flesh the reason her son didn't make it, and hugged the baby he helped to save. And I saw in the face of a healing mother the reason why my daughter was born with CDH, why we had to endure the pain of being separated from our newborn baby, why she had to suffer and undergo a surgery that she only had a 60% chance of making it through, and one of the reasons why she survived. There it was.

• A moment of clarity
• A moment of hope
• A moment of healing
• Our reason

We don't always get to see in our lifetime the reason why bad things happen. But even when we don't, we can hold onto the hope that God sees the big picture that we can't. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways." (Isaiah 55:8) He is working behind the scenes. It most certainly isn't the way we would choose to do things most of the time, but He knows what He's doing.  And because of this promise, we can live happily ever after, after. After we believe that everything happens for a reason. 

And we know in all things God works for the good 

for those who love Him, 

who have been called according to His purpose.

-Romans 8:28